Michael Fenton-Stevens – Squid Man

The Transcript:

Welcome to Get Shirty, a podcast where we ask our guests about the things in life that just never fail to irritate you against them all. The chat focuses on home work and going out but could go anywhere, but it’s not all doom and gloom either, as each guest gets a major measure share which they design. So we talk about that too, so who do we tailor for this episode? Well, it’s actor and podcast giant Michael Fenton Stevens.
Not only is Michael the host of the My Time Captural Podcast with almost 350 episodes under its belt, but he is also a star of stage and screen. From heading up the Groovy gang in only fours and horses to playing Sir Henry and Benadon. Michael is hardly off our screen. He’s also played Paul Morgan in the arches, so he’s no stranger to radio either. And he assumed to be returning to the West End as the all-powerful wizard in wicked.
Where does he find the time?
Well, we’re delighted he managed to squeeze in being our guest today, so here we go.
Three tailors, two mics, one guest and a host of irritations.
Let’s Git Shirti.
So how do nightfall manage to get my favourite shirt for this interview?
I’ve worked it, so tell us a little bit about your favourite shirt.
Well, it was bought for me for my 50th birthday by my daughter,
who at the time would have been 25.
And I’d been going on for years about the fact that I couldn’t find a nice flowery shirt.
And she suddenly said, “I found you one, you are, it’s your birthday present.”
I think it’s a lovely, distinct pattern.
It’s a very nice shirt, and it’s very comfortable.
And I’ve always had a fantastic reaction to it.
Every time I’ve worn it, women say to me,
“They come close, which is nice, unusual in my age.”
And they say, “What a lovely shirt.”
And then I had a wallet immediately inside it with 30 drops of my children and my wife.
And even though this would have been at the age of 24 or 25, it’s always very young.
So you got married, young?
Very young, yeah, I got married in ’23, my wife is 21, and we had children immediately.
So I had a very next time.
Right, I want Jordan popped out, no trouble.
So she would stay at home and I would go off on tour, I would go all over the world and have a fabulous time.
She would stay home looking out to children.
So that was the theatre?
No, it was the theatre that made it happen for you.
It takes you away, you know, and it means there’s a lot of time.
And then also, when you’re working with people, it’s terribly intimate and very close.
And it’s understandable, I think, to an extent that people tend to do.
And then, you know, the reason why people break up as actors, young actors is because it’s a very…
You could say it’s a tempting world.
Didn’t tempt me, I’d rather say.
Right, that’s true.
Because I’ve still had the married 45 years later.
Amazingly.
That’s correct.
Yeah.
That’s the strictly curse now.
That’s the first part of the strictly curse.
That’s the strictly curse.
Every year, it’s who’s going to be this year?
Yeah, but the time I’ve been she bought me this thing and it’s always been my absolute favourite shirt.
I’ve worn it, and I’m wearing it particularly today in order to demonstrate you how much I love it.
And it still fits me.
55 to now, by 50 to now, that’s not bad.
It’s up to you, you know, 67.
That’s very good.
Yeah.
Very good.
You’re obviously doing something, right?
Well, either that, or I’ve been through other stages.
Maybe the truth.
The fact maybe that, yes, I now have the same size as I was when I was 50,
but in between that, I’m not in.
The world in this year is for that eating and the thing.
Yeah, the lockdown year is a lot down there.
Oh, terrible.
In fact, you know, I absolutely fell apart.
You know, is that the thing where you think you’re not?
It’s weird, isn’t it, in life, when you, people see somebody says to you, how are you?
You can’t find, great.
Lovely.
And doing lockdown, I had exactly that.
I remember that all the way through school, everybody said, you’re at a school, yeah?
Fine.
I hate it school.
Terrified.
Almost every day of my life, terrified.
What’s going to happen today?
You know, it was sort of weird men and bullies and horrible.
Yeah, schools are funny, isn’t it?
If some people have such a brilliant time, and they look at it through rose tinted glasses almost,
that was brilliant.
I can remember this teacher, but I think I’m much like yourself.
I had an experience where I really, every day was a worry.
Yeah, there’s something’s going to happen.
I’ve went to a few schools where there were a lot of bullies, so there was always that was sort of in the background.
Yeah, but it was a different time as well.
My school was, I, I, I, I get to get to dark and my school had some very unpleasant,
powerful men who enjoyed causing pain and discomfort for young boys.
Right.
So, luckily I was not picked on in that way, but I know friends of mine who were.
And it affected them for the rest of their lives.
But at the same time, we were all beaten and whacked every day.
I mean, I always say that I wasn’t, I was only cained once.
We were standing, queuing, waiting to do sports and we were lining up outside the gym.
And there was an alarm, you know, the fire alarm on the wall.
And a man of mine went, “Oh, look at that, you know, bang.”
He said, “You can’t break it.”
And I knew that he’d cut his hand and hit the rim.
And I went, “Oh, yeah, of course, bang, and I did it as well, thinking it was funny.”
And then the boy standing next to us went, “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“And set the school fire alarm off.”
“Ah, of course, we were immediately ratted out.”
“Yeah, you know, who did that?”
And three of us lined up there and we said, “Well, we didn’t tell him to do it, so we didn’t make him do it.”
But no, that was it, right?
Bend over.
“Wow.”
And that was something I’ll never forget, because that was a proper cain.
Or I said, it was a real swishy, long piece of willow.
“Wow.”
So you heard it before it started coming?
You heard it coming.
But then we had some very strange teachers at my school.
We had a French teacher who was strange enough later in life when I started acting.
I did a number of things with him on an amateur basis.
And he was a very keen amateur actor.
And when I met him in those circumstances, he was a delightful, funny, pleasant man.
He would never cause anybody any problems.
And he was, I think, because he was happy in that situation.
But in school, he found it endlessly frustrating, obviously.
He was a French teacher, not French, and a teacher, but he taught French.
And he hated the fact that children, first of all, weren’t bothered.
Right.
But really, they’re interested in it.
And secondly, they just didn’t get it.
And I know the year ever realized that was because we were all terrified of him.
That if he didn’t know the answer, he would scream and shout at us.
And most of the French lesson was done on a big whiteboard with a projector.
So the curtains were always shut.
All through summer, the curtains are shut.
It’s baking hot.
You’re sitting in this dark room and these things coming up there.
And this strange man with a red face shouting and doing a foreign language never went in.
No, that doesn’t sound like the most conducive learning environment, particularly the…
No.
We have to do the language lab thing as well.
No, we never, we weren’t quite that advanced at that point.
No, we never went that far.
So no, it was all entirely down to shouting as French.
Jean-Écolid.
What are you talking about?
We don’t know what he means.
And we were supposed to finish the sentence with no idea.
But as any of the French sort of have you found in later life, it suddenly popped into your head?
I’m still to this day terrible at languages.
Right.
I’ve never developed the skill of…
I think the moment people talk to me in a foreign language, I switch off.
My brain just stops listening.
Right.
And it’s embarrassing, really.
The people can say things to me several times.
I went on holiday to Greece once.
And my wife and children, I think, quite deliberately, left me.
For at least two weeks, we went for a month.
It’s one of those fantastic longs, so all of this.
You can occasionally have as an actor if you’ve had a good year.
You know what I mean?
So often we went, stating this filler, beautiful.
And we would walk down to town every morning into a bison bread.
And I would wave to the locals.
And very friendly.
I mean, lovely, all the people there.
I was so friendly.
And they would come out of their houses to see us pass and wave and smile and laugh.
And they’d go back to their banners.
And I felt like the the lair.
And I was shouting morning to the good morning, morning, morning.
And then my wife said to me after two weeks, she said,
“So we get some bread?” I said, “Yes.”
She said, “As you before we go, what’s good morning in Greek?”
And I said, “It’s cal-mari.”
“It’s not cal-mari.”
I went, “What?”
I said, “It’s not cal-mari.”
“Ah.”
That squid.
“It’s cal-mera.”
And I went, “What? Cal-m-j?”
I said again, “Cal-m-mera.”
“What have I been saying?”
“You’ve been saying cal-mari.”
“So I’ve been shouting squiddly to these people every morning.”
“I’ve been giving it a big one.”
“I know, obviously, they came out their house with sea-lubs-dupid squid-man.”
“They’re muted by, muted by, yeah.”
“Retreat them, so they can pass them over.”
“There’s this bloke who walks by, she’ll squid every morning.”
I imagine they put a look out at the top of the street.
“He’s coming.”
“He comes to the squid-man.”
“Absolutely.”
“I’m sure.”
“I think the chances are that even though she told me several times,
this is our bad eye-med languages, I probably almost certainly,
which it wasn’t there, said cal-mari anyway.”
“We’re reverted back.”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“I did a very similar thing, my sister lives in France,
and we went to a friend of those house for a lovely evening, lots of drink,
and they gave me a gift when we left us, and I went to say,
I’m very happy, and I said, “Ha, I just, we trade jolly.”
“Very prickly.”
“I’m very pretty.”
“I know, I know, I know.”
And of course everybody burst out off, you know, I just went, “Ha,
and I looked my brother in law, and he was just like, “Ah!”
“Shop me out the door.”
And it was only the next day that they then, so it’s so–
“She wins, we don’t.”
“We all made those mistakes.”
“I went to see Holland versus South Korea in the World Cup Final in France in 1998,
with my family, we toured all around France and went to watch football matches that didn’t involve England,
because they were terrifying.”
“Yeah, and we had a fantastic time, really great holiday,
and we would adopt a country.”
“Holodent went five-one up, and after every goal, up came the side to score.”
“One-neil, but, and two-neil, but, three, and after five, when he said five-one,
I turned to my wife and said, “There’s no buts about it, they’re gonna win.”
“That’s where it’s boot, it means goal.”
“Oh, right.”
“Useless.”
“I’m really useless with languages, which is why I learned my personal life in France for a long time,
and I used to go there and try and join in with conversations, which you can if you’re drunk,
you can join in with foreign conversations.”
“I learned one phrase, which taught me through hours of conversation with French people,
which is they would say something, you know, I would go, “We may…”
“All right.”
“You know, but you get in that way.”
“Oh, right, okay.”
“And they would go, “Oh, we’re in May.”
“And they know if they would go with some other, another possible scenario.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“And you’ve covered all of us.”
“And then eventually, by Father Nore said, “French people say there’s no English cheese as worth eating.”
“So could you find a really good cheese shop in England?”
“The next time you come down and buy some lovely English cheese, moreover place.”
“So I did, bought this amazing cheese, and he had a big barbecue in his garden, invited all the neighbours,
and they all ate the cheese and were going, “Oh, I’m sure you’re right, you sure need?”
“Yeah.”
“And then he said to them, “It’s all English cheese.”
“No.”
“And I am!”
“And then he said, “And this will really surprise you.”
“And he asked, he said, “Mike, sing the Marseilles.”
“And I’d learnt the Marseilles.”
“All right.”
“There’s my my Catholics, and I used to go to see the Catholics in athletics.”
“You celebrate every team winning.”
“So when we were going to see a European championships, and I said to my wife, “It’s French women.”
“Some methods,” she said, “Oh, yeah, definitely.”
“They’re really good, really good team.”
“Mid, as many as arts.”
“And I said, “Okay.”
“I learnt the Marseilles.”
“And just phonetically, I don’t really know what it meant.”
“And I like to sing.”
“So I stood up and sang it.”
“And a man next to me started talking to me in French afterwards.”
“I’m sorry, I’m English.”
“You went…”
“You went English?”
“Yes.”
“But you know the Marseilles.”
“I said, “Yes, well, I like it, I think it’s a lovely, very great anthem.”
“I wish we had a good one.”
“And he went, “Okay.”
“Next time they won a medal.”
“There were about 10 people there.”
“A bit like, I was in the script, man.”
“Yeah, he was in the England.”
“The Englishman did it.”
“Look at him, look.”
“And every Frenchman in the stadium was standing around me when the last medal was given out.”
“And we gave the most fantastic rendition, the most stirring, beautiful rendition of it.”
“And the French commentator who was standing down the bottom, art was stood there and applauded us all.”
“It was really, it was fantastic.”
“I was interviewed by somebody from Swedish television.”
“The problem was, I got known as this man who sings French La Chiantes.”
“And other countries were coming up and saying to me, “Do you know any other national anthem?”
“Right.”
“Like what?”
“And they said, “The Swedish man said, “I think we’re going to win a medal tomorrow.”
“Polvull.”
“Could you know the Swedish anthem?”
“And I don’t think I do.”
“You went with me saying it to me.”
“And I said, “Well, I could try and learn it.”
“He said, “You’ll get good and we’ll film you.”
“Oh wow.”
“So being a show off.”
“Yeah.”
“And an actor, I went home that night and instead of having a lovely meal, I sat and learned the Swedish national anthem.”
“And then the next day saying that.”
“And then I learned the Italian, I learned the German.”
“That’s what I was saying.”
“That’s what my name is.”
“Which one can he still do?”
“I still do the Marseille’s.”
“All right.”
“Do you do it?”
“Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Alonso fond de la patrie ju de loire, par hiver, entre nous de la tyrannie, le chandan sangroin élevé, de s’penda sangroin élevé, attendez-vous dans le campagne, me guise,
et par hôch est soda, y vienne ou juste que donna pra’, écoge, no fisi, no cabane, hôzame, si poien, for me, vo’ pation, machon, machon, can sangente, à prévenoncion.”
“Wow.”
“I’m very, very good.”
“Mr. R.
“Yeah.”
“Watch out, these terrible people are coming to your country, defend yourself against invaders.”
“Ah.”
“So actually it’s, it’s people who haven’t started a war, but will defend themselves.”
“Well, I’ll call from the death.”
“To the death.”
“The podcast itself is talking about just having a general chat, obviously as well, but the other thing that we do is called “Get Shirty.”
“We’ve looked at your shirt in terms of what we want to do, we’re gonna try our best to recreate this wonderful shirt that you’re wearing today or do a modern take.”
“I’m very excited about it, I think that actually it’s gonna be, you know, it’s gonna be one I’m gonna treasure.”
“Oh, I hope so.”
“It’s a lovely thing to sit down and actually think about what elements of a garment you’d like to have.”
“I’ve never had anything made for me apart from being part of a production.”
“Yeah.”
“And then, you’ll be led by the wardrobe business or the wardrobe master.”
“So the person who’s in charge of that will say, ‘Well, we’re gonna put this in, we need that,’ and they’re just measuring you and fitting you.”
“Right.”
“So actually being part of the process is nice.”
“So do you get, in that situation then, do you get much opportunity to put your own stamp on it?”
“Can you kind of say, ‘Well, I think the character would like this?’ Can we do that?”
“I mean, generally, to think you’ll say, look, at one point I have to take a prop on with me.”
“It would be really nice if I had a pocket inside that I could put it in later.”
“So you’re thinking about the 10 new colleges.”
“But you do.”
“That’s, excuse me, Baker.”
“You do, there are some things you can do.”
“So, for example, that would generally be about the thing being uncomfortable or I have to do this movement.”
“I have to do this movement, I have to have a fight or something in it and I can’t move my arms properly.”
“The stew is strictings.”
“Oh, I change it for that reason.”
“Or, you know, just for safety.”
“You suddenly go, ‘Oh, this is worried about getting this caught on the scenery or whatever.’
So they change it for those reasons.”
“I’ve wanted to amazing things in my time.”
“You know, amazing.”
“Is that one that stands out as-”
“Yeah, did a production of Amadeus with two bigotsmiths.”
“Who’s son Tom Bigotsmith does a lovely podcast where he talks to musicians about how they go about their business.”
“It’s really lovely podcast.”
“But Tim was a really, really nice man with also in that production was Toia, Toia Wilcox.”
“And she’s a great actress.”
“She was at the National Theatre before she was picked up to be a pop star.”
“So she’s actually destined to be a successful actress.”
“And in suddenly pop music diverted.”
“But she’s in films and she’s in quadriple.”
“Cortaphonia, that’s the only one that automatically sort of sprung to mine.”
“Yeah, but she was working at the National Theatre when they have record companies said, ‘You know, it’s gone to number two,’ or something.”
“I’m trying to do that, you know, you’re popzing.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“Well, which, actually, you’ve had your own fair share of that.”
“I have, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“Well, you know, you say fair share, I’ve done fair share, I would say.”
“Considering the quality of what I’ve done.”
“Because I’ve had a number one in the country,”
“which was the chicken song, which was a spitting image.”
“So I remember it well, that’s all.”
“I am that, so.”
“So from the pockets of babes and children, that’s how we were described it.”
“That’s how we, as we did, we raided the piggy banks of young people.”
“And all insisted that their parents bought them this record.”
“We sold, I think, close to 800,000 copies.”
“And I was the only singer of it who took a percentage.”
“Everybody else took a fee.”
“Right.”
“Which was a big, is it?”
“Yeah, that was very straight on your.”
“So do you still, I imagine the checks have got smaller, but do you still get checks?”
“Yeah, do I know.”
“Yeah, amazing, after all this time.”
“Yes, but they offered us a percentage, you can take it.”
“I think my money is 0.5%.”
“Right, a very small amount it would seem.”
“But 0.5% of 800,000 sales is a lot of money.”
“Yeah, I have to say, I was very delighted when I got the first check.”
“That’s a long holiday, yeah.”
“Everybody else had taken 500% of their initial fees.”
“I think around that time we used to get paid about 300 pounds for doing a recording session.”
“And they, which was good money, very good in the 80s.”
“Mmm.”
“Most people, more than most people already a week.”
“And you get it, doing a session.”
“And then they all took 500% of that, which was very nice, 1500 pounds.”
“And then for the rest of time, at any time they see me, they say, you.”
“Yeah.”
“You took a percentage of the you.”
“Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day actually, when I was looking at knowing that we were going to do this and thinking about the things that you’ve done.”
“I did wonder whether you actually got anywhere near top of the pops.”
“Because of course it was all the puppets, wasn’t it?”
“We were asked to go and sing live at the top.”
“Right, and then for some reason it didn’t happen.”
“But number of things like that, with a pretty image, was strange because you sort of would go in and have a session.”
“And you may record three or four songs in that time.”
“It was incredibly quick, the way it was done.”
“So did you do all the songs?”
“We’d love a lot of that money.”
“And then others would come up and you go back and do them.”
“There was nearly always something new every week, so you were going back into the studio and recording another song.”
“With some amazing singers.”
“I mean, singing on that track is a singer called Tess and Niles.”
“He’s not famous singers, but they are amazing.”
“Tess and Niles was David Bowie’s backing singer.”
“Thank all of us every theory ever did.”
“And he’s on most albums.”
“So she’s extraordinary.”
“There’s Lance Ellington who’s the son of the man who was the band leader on the Gune show.”
“Ray Honton.”
“And he is famous for singing “Giolet, the best dumb man can get it.”
“Yeah.”
“Which was worldwide and went on for many years.”
“And it’s poetry.”
“I was going to say, that’s the money spinner.”
“Yeah, those things are.”
“And I had to…”
“But then you find yourself out of your depth at times.”
“I got away with it because I can sing and I’m very quick of picking up a tune.”
“So I’m going slightly early and Philip Pogham was my friend.”
“We’d also done other recordings within the past.”
“Yeah.”
“And I’d known him for many years. He would play me my part.”
“And say, you’re singing this.”
“Okay, I’ll go.”
“And then I could do it.”
“Now the man who was the booker who booked all these amazing singers.”
“One day said to me, are we doing an advert on Thursday?”
“Do you want to sing it?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Great.”
“And it was for KP Dips.”
“They’d just been launched.”
“And we all turned up this studio and I walked in and there was a full orchestra.”
“And a full rock ‘n’ roll band.”
“And eight singers.”
“And the musical director came over, handed us all pieces of music and said,
‘Okay, we go from past 32 and to and and seven singers started singing.’
“And one singer went, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, who’s singing to be?”
“Oh, me, I did.”
“Well, go on, I said, I’m sorry, I don’t read music and you went, sorry.”
“So I don’t read music, you said, who booked you?”
“I just assumed that I did, but I couldn’t, and it was the most horrible thing.”
“And blessed, Lance Ellington went, you went, right, everybody go get a coffee, Lance said,
‘My cup of tea, set the elevator, that’s your part.’
“You got it?”
“I got it.”
“Sig my life.”
“It was horrible.”
“Horrible.”
“So the advert was there for months, it was.”
“Feel that blood draining from me, it’s my side.”
“Wet running down your back.”
“The other side of their podcast as well as things in life that perhaps make us a little bit surety in life.”
“So we sort of looked at…”
“Oh, look, I got it.”
“Yeah, well this is it, one of the areas we sort of look at a little bit in that is work.”
“So would that be one of your sort of one of the things in life that gets you?”
“The technical rehearsal for plays, particularly long complicated plays, can go on for days and days.”
“And this would be like a two and a half hour play, it takes days to technically rehearse it before you’re allowed to actually run it again.”
“So you will be saying, a line and they go, ‘Okay, hold it,’ and then you stand there for five minutes.”
“You’re not allowed to move because they’re moving lights and they’re getting things right.’
“And they go, ‘Okay, just go back a line and carry on and you go three or four more lines and say, ‘Okay, stop.’
“And then you stand there for ten minutes and if you start chatting with the other actors, they go, ‘Sorry, we’re trying to work here, can you keep the noise down?’
“It’s incredibly dull, and I’m not the most patient person in the rehearsals. Why is it taking so long?”
“Because other people are doing their job and it’s difficult, but I’ve finally done it well.”
“Work, I’ve learnt to be…”
“I mean, it doesn’t do you any good to not be in a good moment at work. I’ve never understand why people do it really.”
“Yeah.” “Because it can stick as well. One of the things with the acting world is that there’s lots of people, lots and lots of people all working together to make one thing happen.”
“And if somebody in it is a Mona or doesn’t try hard enough, they really stick out.”
“Yeah, I suppose as well, you might only work with that one person for a day or two days and that’s the part where they need to make the right impression or you need to make the right impression.”
“And you could have just been having that one bad day that it took to work.”
“Yeah, true. But you know, I know I’ve found that, but my wife says that my impatience is still there. I’ve worked hard to control it, but I still find…
“Do you know the way I do it now is I try to turn into a situation that I enjoy?”
“For example, the announcement on trains and tube stations see it say it’s sorted. I find endlessly annoying.”
“First of all, I have seen it, I have said it, and they didn’t sort it.”
“So my experience of these situations is it doesn’t work anyway.”
“I said to the person, this is wrong, and they went, ‘Oh, okay, yeah, and I said, ‘What do you expect me to do about it?'”
“What’s the point in saying, ‘See it say it’s sorted?'”
“That’s the point. Also, it really annoys me the last word doesn’t rhyme.”
“But you don’t you think? See it, say it, something it, sort it, not sorted, you know, see it, say it’s sorted, but then the problem is that doesn’t work because it’s not it.”
“So they’ve ever wrote the advertising, sort of cheated, and not done their job. Surely I think with a little bit of effort they could have come up with three things.”
“Similar to that, the word.”
“And also, there’s an announcement on the tube, so my solution in those situations is whenever those things are said, I join in.”
“Or I say, ‘Oh, that’s, no, you don’t, I’ll say loudly on a train. We all know you don’t do that, and other people look at me and say, ‘Well, they might have done a very good man.'”
“But then generally people go, ‘Yeah, and then the tension’s gone.’
“On the underground people say, this is going to annoy you for every artist, I’m prepared to say.”
“There are delays on the circle line, the western line, the Jubilee line, and the northern line. All other lines have a good service.”
“Two things really fundamentally wrong with that. One, a good service is a qualitative decision.”
“Yeah, I’m the person who decides if it’s good, not them.”
“A full service, yes, a scheduled service. All those things are acceptable, but don’t tell me it’s good. I’ll tell you if it’s good.”
“Yeah, I’m the customer.”
“So it’s an Americanism that’s come in, they say, if you say it’s good, people will believe it.”
“So they do it all the time.”
“But also, how can it be a good service, even if all those other things seem to be running well, he can’t be because it’s an interconnected service.”
“So if there is anything wrong with any part of it, it’s all wrong.”
“Yeah, that’s my theory.”
“And I will go, ‘No, it is, it’s not in my opinion.’
“Then I will talk to people on the platform saying, ‘Well, it can’t be a good service, can it?’ So again, I think my maize that I’ve won, I’ve never been punched in the mouth,
“two that I’ve never been arrested.”
“Well, I suppose there’s always time, those days never come. But I would like it when someone draws me in, in a public setting like that.”
“Right.”
“I think as a nation, we’re so reserved, aren’t we? We don’t sort of, ‘Oh, there’s somebody over there talking and they might be talking to me.’
“I’ll look the other way, I’ll look the other way, I think it’s missing.”
“I think as soon as they’ve broken that barrier, nearly everybody, if you start to talk to people in that situation,
“once they get over the first reticence of, you shouldn’t be talking to me, we don’t do this.”
“Mmm, which is why we’re famous in adversity for dealing with it because we break that barrier and everybody works together.”
“But I’ve also done other things on trains, when you say you’ve managed to avoid being punched in the mouth, this is extraordinary.”
“There was a man who was on the train, he was a solicitor, he was dictating letters through secretary to write, into a dictafone, in a full public train, crowded with people, in a loud voice.”
“I’m amazing, I find it difficult for people to talk loud, you know, over our phones anyway.”
“I did for a while, it’s a joining with their conversations, I get my own phone out and say the other person’s part.”
“Somebody would say, yeah, yeah, well I know but he’s only six foot two, and they go, really?”
“I can’t believe it, I say, yeah, and I know it looks tall of it, and I’ve just filled the gap in, which people around will become amused about.”
“They never called on, why is one book when, sorry, what you doing, so I’m talking to my mother, talking to my mom on the phone.”
“No, you’re not.”
“So that was close, another time, this solicitor was sitting there dictating these letters, and I was looking to pick people, looking to me and we were going, ‘I’m sorry.’
“How many people?’ And he got up and went to the toilet, and left his dictafone on the desk.
“So I picked him up.”
“Oh fantastic.”
“I said, ‘P.S, could you put at the end of these letters that these have all been dictated on a public train?'”
“Thank you, just put it back down again.”
“So, people around me went, ‘That, he came back and we all fained ignorance in this train.’
“Oh wonderful, the whole train agreed, the man deserved it.”
“So that’s the sort of thing I think I’d not do, is that?”
“That’s, in life, you’ve got to do it, I think, you know, it’s, when the world is tough to deal with, those things give you strength.”
“And now he knows who it is.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“If you watch his ears, if you’re watching this, you know why I am?”
“You don’t know where I live.”
“Well, it should be like a badge of honor for him now.”
“I’m that man.”
“You are that man.”
“I’m that idiot.”
“What’s clear is that somebody who takes that sort of the annoyances in life and spins them to something that brings a bit of joy.”
“Yeah, that’s been the way I’ve got through them because they annoy me too much, you know, I mean I can get you wound up by them.”
“Well, and it’s that’s easily done, isn’t it?”
“And it’s too easy to hold on to our spot.”
“And that’s one of the things that, you know, perhaps in this podcast, talking about the things that, you know, get under our skin in life, it is to sort of exorcise them a little bit.”
“Yeah, so kind of get rid of them and sort of, I think there’s a great power in sharing these things for other people as well.”
“Oh, it’s not just me, you know, because sometimes you think, oh wow, it’s only me that gets wound up by these things.”
“Yeah, or I’m the only person who thinks that’s a stupid announcement.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“And that’s you when you do it, people around you will go shit.”
“What are they talking about?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“And you go, also we’re all slightly annoyed by this.”
“We’re all slightly annoyed by the fact that they brought in some sort of American advertising company and they’ve said to them, but you know, always call it good, always say bit.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s a bit like sort of filling in your own feedback form, isn’t it?”
“Well, brilliant.”
“Yeah, fine, well, well done.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re not the person we’re asking.”
“And I’ve been stood for 15 minutes.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, so in terms of an ointment, we cover three areas.”
“Yeah.”
“I think you’ve done pretty well actually.”
“We tend to look at…”
“I instantly knew them.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“They were right there.”
“I thought we were.”
“It’s the, we’re sort of taking the Mars bar approach, it’s work, rest, and play.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“So, work, life, I think we’ve covered that.”
“Mmm.”
“Maybe a bit gone out, but is there anything in the sort of rest, the home state that you think, you know, you don’t have to know names or point fingers?”
“No, there’s anything at home that you think, oh.”
“No, I mean, I wish that I wish that I would…”
“I have other friends who are very, very good at keeping friends.”
“Do you know what I mean?
“A very good idea.”
“I’m making sure their friends are constantly contacted.”
“So I am annoyed by…”
“In a way, I use acting as an excuse.”
“I sort of go, well, my life is so inconsistent that I can’t keep things up on a regular basis.”
“So in a way, I often let friends disappear.”
“Yeah, you know, and then, you know, because in acting, it is what you have to do.”
“Yeah.”
“Who can be working fantastically with people for six months, see them every day, most of the day, and spend all your time with them.”
“And then it finishes.”
“Mmm.”
“And that happens again and again and again.”
“And those are almost like the readments, some of them.”
“Yeah, there is hard almost as if you’ve been working on it for 20 years with people.”
“I suppose to end, do you sort of harden yourself to that before you start a project?”
“Oh, actually, I’m getting on with this person really well.”
“Yeah, you know, then…”
“You know, they’ve stopped me getting close to them or liking them.”
“But I think we both, the more you do it, the more you are aware that at the end, when you say…”
“When I was very young, act, at the very first thing I did, everybody went…”
“Okay, so look, next Thursday, let’s all get together and let’s all go to the pub.”
“And we try to make it bling it.”
“Now we don’t, now people finish, I finish a show on the last night or I finish filming or whatever…”
“And I say to people, fantastic, fantastic, I’m going to see you soon.”
“I hope.”
“And that’s about all you can do.”
“Because there are too many people, too many people that I’ve loved to be able to stay with them all, I guess, can’t.”
“I have enough trouble keeping up with my own family, sadly.”
“But our space now, though, you’ve got the podcast, the people sort of going, oh well, you know, who’s perhaps…”
“You’re the only one who invite me on the podcast.”
“Well, it’s more the other way, actually, stranger, if I do persuade people to come on to the podcast, who don’t know me, I’ve done lots of people…”
“I’ve spoken lots of people, I do know.”
“Now that’s nice, because that’s catching up, but people I don’t know at all.”
“And for me, my podcast is a journey of discovery about these people, I don’t do much research into them.”
“And I don’t ask them to tell me what they are going to put into the time capsule, so it’s a surprise each time.”
“And it’s a really good concept.”
“I mean, I think the sort of simple ideas work well, you know, it’s an easy one to get a grip on.”
“And actually, I leave it up to other people when I’m talking to them, I don’t go into too many details.”
“I say, five things from your life you put in the time capsule, four you love, and one you’d like to forget.”
“You know, putting in there very is gone, you don’t have to worry about it again.”
“And they go, okay, what sort of things?”
“I say anything you like.”
“Who is it for?”
“That’s up to you.”
“Yeah.”
“You can look at it, or you can think about the future, or you can think about when man time is gone and somebody digs it up.”
“Any of those things, whatever you want to do with it.”
“And they’re all, they’re all interesting, you know, but I talk to people I don’t know.”
“And they, then when I meet them in person, and that may be the first time I’ve met them.”
“For example, when I see Andrew at the Art and see, Sun Up Comedian at Trinity in Cambridge Wells the other week.”
“And then, couple of days later, I went to see Stephen K. Engloss, the brilliant standoff comedian.”
“It was a very recent neighborhood.”
“And I sent my message and said, I’m coming, you know, before to the show.”
“And they would all come back and say hello, and both of them greeted me as they were over an old friend.”
“And we never actually met in person, we don’t ever met on Zoom.”
“And Stephen said, come on, we’ve got to go for a drink, we’re going, we went out, it was great.”
“Oh, lovely, lovely, is there anybody on the podcast that…”
“Is there the holy gril of guests that you really like to get that you haven’t managed to get yet?”
“Yeah, it’s just I’ve got three hundred and thirds.”
“We’ve got three hundred and thirds, seven, three, forty, get close to.”
“I know, they do, we do churn them out, but they’re fun.”
“Fun to do, which is why we’re able to do it really.”
“Sometimes it’s quite a pressure to keep that many coming on.”
“But you know, podcasts are difficult to make pay, I think, so for most people, so you’ve been away, quantity helps.”
“Yeah, yeah, certainly, but holy grail, well, not necessarily the most famous, you know, I mean, there are a couple that I’ve missed, annoyingly.
“I was very, very close to talking to Michael Parkinson, which would have been an extraordinary person.”
“So, talk to the greatest interviewer, to interview the greatest interviewer, there was, I’ve known, I think, that would have been an extraordinary person.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“And talk to him about his life, and to see really, if I could hold my own, you know, if I could be anywhere near as good as he was, but doing it.”
“So, that would have been fascinating, then, sadly, suddenly, I found he died, you know.
“The same with Timberlom Taylor, we were going to talk to him, and then he died of COVID, very, so very, very sad.
“And there have been other people like that, some people I have spoken to, and then have died, shortly after it, and it’s really disturbing because you don’t know really, and what to do with the thing.”
“Yeah.”
“I was basically sending the full recording without any changes or edits or anything, so they can hear everything around it, and I sent it to their families.”
“So, you know, this is yours, and, you know, we won’t do anything with it.”
“Well, that’s a lovely writer.”
“Yeah, I mean, I think it’s important to make sure that you’re not going to abuse the situation.”
“But, I mean, there are people I’ve known for a long time that haven’t died, and I’d like to do it with them.”
“I mean, I’ve known, when I was a young student, first got into doing comedy, I wonder, I was going to be quite a serious actor.
I was doing Shakespeare, and I was doing all those sort of things at university, and thinking that would be my path, and suddenly I was asked at the end of an audition for “To Go Up to the Unprofessible.”
“Somebody said to me, “What do I mean, the review?”
And I said, “What’s a review?”
“I didn’t know what he wants.”
And they said, “You know, he’s like, they do, the university sort of sketches, and like Python, really.”
“I went out, yeah, they’ll hear the sounds, but I could do different voices and characters.”
And they said, “Oh, well, this is Angus. He’s done auditioning you. It was Angus, Dayton, who was putting together that year’s “Review to Go to Edinburgh.”
And he cast me. Well, he cast me because I was bloody good.
“He shot me so bright.”
“I think he co-wrote me, he cast me because I could sing really high, and we were going to do a parody of the Meagies.”
“That’s why he comes from Meagie.”
“Hebideebe’s.”
And that way back, yes, was just great fun, and we had a lovely time together for many years doing those things.
But he sort of cast me because he said, “Can you sing?”
And I said, “Yes, he said, can you sing in falsetto?”
And I said, “Okay, sing something sort of, you know, I sang, I sang that, I left my heart and sang for a sisc by Cody Bennett.”
I sang that, it shows off your range.
I got about halfway through it, he said, “Yeah, lovely, great.”
But now I’m sing it, and I don’t know, make me laugh. So I thought, “90.”
So I went, “Okay, I left my heart.”
And he laughed, and he said, “Do you want to do the review?”
And that was it, and it sort of changed my life.
That’s it, he changed the direction, everything I was going to do.
And I was in this thing with him, and for the folk we did the Hebideebe’s, we went on from that to do a radio series almost immediately.
Before I finished being a student, he did the pilot for that.
And then that went on to do a three-year series of KYTV together.
Yeah, and they’re still at the chill of my closest friends, which is lovely, lovely, that longevity.
Which again is unusual, you know what I mean?
As I say, there are lots of people that I have loved and do love, but I don’t get to see them very often.
I mean, I don’t get to see Angus and feel that often, but, you know, we have a closest that goes way back.
And having that sort of, you know, bond early on and doing so much together is a good sort of…
It is.
And the reason I started telling you that, and I got to go on, is that the person I would like to have on the podcast, who sort of said he will, but he’s never really free enough.
He’s Richard Curtis, who actually directed the review that we did.
So before he was well known and famous and successful.
But I think he’s one of the most extraordinary men that we’ve ever produced, actually.
I mean, he’s done all the things he’s done.
Any one of the things he’s done would be enough for most people in a lifetime.
And he’s done them again and again.
Amazing television, amazing writing, amazing films, made a fortune, obviously, out of those things.
He’s got very rich, given nearly all of it away.
Incredible.
And given up, and then set up comic relief.
I mean, actually came back and just went, we should do this comedy thing and set it up and went into the BBC and said, can you give us space for raising money?
And they said, well, I think we can give you an hour and a Friday evening.
And he said, no, I need a whole evening.
And they went, okay.
And it’s ever since, and they’ve made billions, billions and billions and billions of pounds.
And it seems, you know, unlike Eon Musk, he’s done something.
Well, that’s it, isn’t it? And actually, it’s something that seems to naturally pass down, comically, to the next generation.
Yeah.
You know, like the, my kids, in our, and I’ve got kids who are, you know, early teenagers, and I’ve got a daughter who’s early 20s, they’ve all done things with comic relief.
And not because I’ve gone, go and do something, just because it’s naturally been a thing that you inherit.
Yeah, it just keeps, keeps sort of being happy.
I remember before the television thing, we were all amazed that he did the television thing.
We couldn’t believe that he’d managed to persuade them.
But we did a, we did a theater very quickly after, because he did this extraordinary thing where he saw it on the television, saw the famous Michael Burke report about famine in Africa in Ethiopia.
And he went, he booked himself on a plate the next day in Flutus, Ethiopia and said, “What can I do?”
And he said, “Well, there’s stuff there, and he’s putting on the back of his lorry, so he did it.”
And then, while he was doing that, somebody said to him, “What do you do?”
And he said, “Dick and he, we went, I write it, he went, “Alright, yeah, we’re sort of writing.” He said, “Oh, comedy writer, I think, you know, I did not know I got news.”
And he went, “Yeah?” He went, “Black cover.”
And his fellow said, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Go back and tell people you have a voice, we don’t, all we can do is luck, stuff of them up, but you can do something.”
And so he did do something amazing. And so for us, we organised his theatre show.
So I was in the very first comic-ready theatre show, which was, I mean, the one, I think it’s quite famous, then he Henry does his fjolfulness, fjolfulness, penis, sketchy.
So when was that?
80, that’s not bad.
I don’t know.
But we were, because we were asked to sing the “EVG” this, but the people who were on it, the French and some of us, and they had all those sorts of amazing people.
Right, and for you, that’s one, I mean, that must be such a highlight and thing to have done, but you’ve had such a long and sort of successful career, you know, the long jeopardy is…
Yeah, I’ve been really, I mean, I’ve moved around a lot.
I’ve done all sorts of areas. That’s what’s really lovely about it.
Yeah.
I’m always, one of the things that happens to me on the podcast is somebody would start talking about something, and then I’ll remember that I, well, either was either in it,
or I’ll know the person who did it, and, you know, I’ve had something that is connecting me to it.
And I would have forgotten it. I would have almost wiped it from my mind, because it’s just too many things.
And when you say that, you know, that was so many highlights, the absolute highlight, I would say, it really is the highlight of my career, I think.
It was at that comic relief performance.
We were told to stand in the wings after the last act, and, which I think may have been Barry Humphries, it was just ridiculous.
So we stand in the wings, and then line up, and when it comes to the chorus of “Feed the World”, come on and join in.
So Bob Gold, often made you, who wrote “Feed the World”, were singing it on stage.
And they sang the intro bit, and then when it came to “Feed the World”, we all walked off in the wings, and I’m standing, lining up, and it’s standing in front of you with tape-fush.
Wow.
I know. I’ve tingled a little bit now.
And I was standing and watching it, thinking, “This is extraordinary.” And she turned around to me, and she said, “God, are you exciting?”
And I tell you, that makes me cry, and I thought, “This woman had done, who you say I’ve done, it’s what a life, what a things she’s done in her life, the things she’s seen.”
And yet, that moment to her was as exciting in her life as it was to me, and I thought that the humbleness of that, the fact that she recognized that this was an extraordinary.
So, yeah, it was absolutely, without the doubt, that’s my highlight, that little moment where I thought, “Jesus Christ.”
And it made me also realise that it doesn’t really matter where you go, and what you do, and how famous you become, you must try and retain that.
Yeah, and here, and you talk about that, it’s the sort of, almost the ordinaryness of the exchange, as well, that makes it the fantastic, the size of the thing, how humbling it sort of was for everybody in that moment.
And everybody in that moment, I think, is just being a superstar, but actually, it’s not, they still do the watching, they still do the show, they still have to go to the toilet.
So, fundamentally, they’re exactly the same, it’s just a great question.
No, except for Kate Bush, yeah, just how would it go, to be?
Yeah, there’s, I think, a really good example of you and your career, actually, it’s something fairly recently, and I can’t remember whether it was your podcast, or whether it was Joe Wilkinson’s podcast.
Right, it was one of them, but Joe Wilkinson’s excitement about talking to you, “Oh, but you’ve done so much, and he was really, and you could see, you know, the, how your career, and what you’ve done in that,
how much he sort of coveted that, and how much it sort of made him think about the things that he could do.”
Yeah, that was, it was really nice to listen to that.
It is, it is really lovely when that happens.
It’s happened a number of times, people that have been really excited to have one, or I think, a fantastic, and then, at the end of it, they’ll say, “I was a really big fan of the book, and it is something that I’ve done.”
Yeah, because, as is the nature of these, often these people are younger than me.
So they made what have been children when I did things, and you remember those things with such fondness, don’t you?
Yeah.
So Joe, before he had all the, the fabulous success he’s got and deserves.
You know, you remember those things clearly, but the great thing is that the people also show their own humbleness from the things they choose.
And then they genuinely do care about them.
Yeah.
So he chose, he said, “You know, it wants you in his life, it’s an extravagance,” he said.
“I want parts of one of the beach brightened, which where he lives,” and he said, “I want parts, and I saw these people sitting outside the beach hut, and I thought, “Ah, look at that cavity.
Primus stove, the beach.”
Yeah, I’d love one of those.
I said, “I went home and I said, “My wife, I saw this, I was loving it, I’d love one of those.”
And she said, “Well, buy one of them, and I went, “I could do it, wouldn’t I?”
“It’s right here, you can, if you want.”
So I did.
It’s an expensive thing, said, “I never bought anything so expensive in my life.”
He said, “I love it.”
You know, and you thought, “Well, that’s, if people are going to make money and spend what a great way to do it.”
But fantastic, actually, it’s there, and it is those smaller things in life, all the things that sort of create a moment in life rather than it, because actually that money he spent, it’s not really on the physical thing, it’s on the fact that…
The experience.
The experience of seeing him have a company and go to him.
And he said, “I’m terribly generous with it, you said to me, “I said to him, “I love it, great, you know, what a great thing to have.”
He said, “You see, have you got one mic? Get one.”
He said, “No, I’ve got one, don’t know.”
He went, “You can borrow mine.” He was fine, he was fine.
So you know, “Well, he could have bought a Rolex, who cares?”
“Look at that, look at my watch here.”
“Don’t look at my watch here, it’s got a knife.”
Yeah, look away.
Oh no, that’s amazing.
I’m more, get sure to get an area, which we’ve probably covered, but let’s have a quick revisit, so we’ve done sort of work, rest, play going out.
Is there anything, I mean, trains, I suppose, is going out?
Is there anything about the world of entertainment or going out or eating out, that sort of that last little annoyance?
We’ll end it, we’ll bring it back round to a positive.
I mean, no, generally, whenever I’m in those sort of situations, restaurants and things like that, particularly the annoying thing for me in a restaurant would be someone who was rude to people who were serving them.
That sort of thing, people who treated people as if they were unimportant, but in fact, that sort of thing, absolutely infuriating.
I think we’re sort of a guard, say this person, you know, walk, finish its five o’clock, and we keep going till midnight, carrying stuff, rushing back and forth.
All night long, and you’re going to, at the end of the evening, probably not even tip them, because you can’t be asked, you think that you deserve it.
And you’ve done this, is they are serving you?
Yeah, you should be respected, and so that would annoy me.
I hate that. I hate people in a way valuing one form of effort and work over others.
You know, I recently went to the hospital while I was having something done on a local anesthetic. These two incredible surgeons were talking to me about your anct.
I said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you doing about?” I said, “I’m just about to do a play.” And I said, “Oh, yeah, what’s it?”
I said, “Sing is a bit.” I said, “Singing, I’m lying there, I’m doing something, I’m singing.” And they were going, “Oh, that’s incredible. What a thing, that’s amazing.”
And I thought, “Oh, no, no, I’m just doing a bit of singing. You are saving someone’s life.”
It’s that little sprinkling of stardust, though, isn’t it?
That’s for the suppose, you know, and I always admire people who do things that I can’t. That’s the thing.
I suppose even if you’re a surgeon, they look at you and go, “Well, I couldn’t get up there and stand and do that every night.”
It’s such a, well, it’s a talent, I suppose, isn’t it? It’s a skill you’ve had to hone like it.
I think a skill more than a talent. I think just something that you’ve honed and you’ve worked at.
Like anything, I may have had a little gift for it initially or I may have had an instinct for it, but I’ve worked at it.
You know, I’ve trained myself, I’ve practiced a lot.
So you don’t just stand up and say all those words. Well, because I said them 20,000 times before I did him further and all that.
I said them all night long, I didn’t sleep. I woke up the first thing that came in my mind.
Well, those words I have to say in front of all those people. So when I said those words in front of all those people, it was nothing.
It was easy.
And is that how you are learning by repetition?
Yeah, yeah.
I know one or two people who can look at things and just go and say them.
But I think you have to really also understand something as you’re learning it.
You have to break it apart and then put it back together and so you really know what you’re saying.
So you really understand what you’re saying.
And yeah, I like the process of learning by it. I enjoy it.
And the more you do it, the better you get it.
I’m quick now.
Right.
So yeah, you know, it’s a lovely skill to have, I have to say.
It’s very useful in other areas.
If people say to me, “Oh, tonight, could you just say something about that?”
I go, “Okay.”
And people then say, “It’s me. You just stand up and you just start to wear you to a couple of jokes.
You do the thing and you go, “Oh, the information.” And you said it all and then you sat down and never thought it was good fun.
I’m allowed.
I go, “You know, because at the moment you said to me, when you have to say this in the evening, the back of my mind is just constantly going to say that, “For that there.”
Or tell that joke, “That’s funny, but that’s a good way to start it.”
And I’m writing it in my head.
So by the time I come to say it, I’ve sort of practiced it, you know, four or five or six, maybe more times.
All right. I may even have gone to the bathroom and, you know, I’ve found a quiet corner and just thought it through in my head so that I’m not just standing up and saying things.
So, do anybody ever is?
You know, it’s a practice skill.
And that’s the professional, that’s where you’re a professional, and your professionalism comes out in what you do is…
Yeah, I think it’s not just showing off.
It’s not just showing off.
But that’s a nice part of it.
There’s lots of people show off and most of the time you go, “Oh, shut up.”
Yeah, that’s my area.
Yeah, I’ve had that.
Obviously, lots of times, usually, from my wife.
Not again.
Shut up.
Oh, well.
Well, look, and that’s probably a really good place to stop.
I had to leave because as much as I feel we could talk and talk and talk and it’s a joy to speak to you.
I’ve conscious we’re taking up a lot of your time and…
Well, it’s been lovely to talk to you.
Well, it’s been very nice.
So, lovely wait, it’s been done after the name.
Yeah, I can’t wait to see my shirt.
I’m very excited.
We can’t…
As soon as it’s ready, we shall send it on to you in some pictures.
Have you wearing it?
Yeah, of course, yeah.
Not just wearing it, displaying it.
As soon as we judge, we can’t walk in it.
Yeah, of that, I like.
We’re all just that.
We will all just that.
And thank you so much for your time, mate.
It’s been brilliant.
You’re welcome.
Thank you.
[music]
[music]
So, there you have it.
Another episode of the Get Shirtie podcast, all done and dusted.
So, we need to say a big thank you, obviously, to Michael for coming in and speaking with us.
It was such a pleasure to talk with him.
And I’m sure you’ll agree.
It was amazing singing as well.
We also need to say a big thank you to Dat Hazoo.
Provides the music for the podcast.
Go check him out on all the usual platforms.
Spotify, YouTube too.
That’s Dat Hazoo.
Go check him out.
The podcast was produced by Stuart Wilson.
And hosted by me, Stuart Hardman.
I’m the owner at Hardman and Heming bespoke tailors.
Do get to our website.
Have a look at all the wonderful things we’ve got on offer.
Maybe even come and book an appointment.
And especially if you’re getting wedded, that’s another right word.
Especially if you get married.
Now’s a really good time to come and see us at the shop.
Take care.
Until we speak again.
Try not to get too surety.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(gentle music)